Myrtle-Green Butterfly

One day, she realized that the

myrtle-green butterfly 

she was holding onto for dear life

belonged to the air.

She’d held onto it  

longer than was necessary.

Not wanting to hurt 

its myrtle wings

she had come to love,

not wanting to see it struggle

to break loose,

she set it free.

It was a butterfly unlike the 

counterparts of its species –

the dust of its wings never left

the ridges of her fingers. 

Thenceforth she sat

on the blue-gray cobblestones

flanked by withered patches 

of pink carnations

and strewn with dead leaves.

Dragonflies, aphids, grasshoppers

like mocking winged missiles 

would slowly approach and hastily retreat.

They’d whisper loudly,

Don’t get too close, it’s dangerous,

for the butterfly-catcher to hear.

Searching, sometimes for hours,

she watched slow-beating wings

draw from the bosoms of 

slow-dancing flowers,

but the pairs of wings she saw 

were either too gaudy as

a gypsy’s motley patch-dress,

or too unremarkably plain as

a scullery maid’s aged apron. 

At long last, one evening 

when the dusk was robbing 

the last colors of the day,

she spotted it – her myrtle-green butterfly –

hovering alone 

near the golden-hearted purple irises. 

With the caution of

a person crossing a field

sown with landmines,

the febrile franticness of

a lone soul crossing 

a fraying drawbridge,

she made her painstaking way thither. 

Like a sinner, going down 

on bended knees,

the butterfly-catcher whispered

her apology:

I’ve been waiting to see you

just to say

I’m sorry for catching you

the other day.

Though it wasn’t eternity,

I held onto you too long,

but then I let you go because 

it’s not where you belong. 

It made me so happy when I held you,

But happiness isn’t happiness

if the other’s not happy too. 

Myrtle-green butterfly, you were 

special to me,

but you were never mine for the keeping

so I set you free. 

Understanding Emotional Dependency 

Two people start off as strangers. Give or take a few weeks or months and they’ve become fairly close. The relationship could be perennial. Gradually, one of the people involved starts feeling a sense of attachment to, a sense of incompleteness without, and a sense of validation and security with the other. However, this relationship eventually becomes awkward, uncomfortable and suffocating for the other person who decides that he/she has had enough and can’t take anymore of it. Now, the “one” is left with a void and a cornucopia of feelings, none of which ascribe to him/her any self-worth or consolation. Why? Because this person in question was emotionally dependent on the other.

What are the causes of emotional dependency? For most people, it arises from the want to be loved, needed and/or understood, or the desire for their feelings to be known, acknowledged and/or reciprocated. Over-attachment to loving parents or significant figures during childhood or the lack of the same could result in this state. 


Emotional dependency also stems from expectation. You might have expectations of people without even knowing it. While it’s not wrong to have mild expectations in any relationship, they don’t exactly contribute to the relationship in a positive way. Most often, you expect people to fulfill needs and play roles that they are either incapable of, or unobligated to fulfill or play. Realizing the limitations of every relationship is vital for you to have realistic or, better still, no expectations from the other. 
When you are emotionally dependent on someone, you are susceptible to constructing an idealized image of or fantasy involving that person. You often forget that the object of your fantasy is in fact human in nature because they have been removed from reality. This idealization always ends in disappointment or even hurt as any negative or unexpected response of the significant other can be detrimental to the emotionally dependent person.  
Emotional independence is stalled by this dependency. When you invest all your love in a person who ends up saying sayonara, what do you do? Find the strength to get a move on with your life or start self-deprecating and brooding over the could-haves and should-haves? If the the latter is your reaction, then you’ll understand the consequences of emotional dependency: you are bereft of self-worth – you gave another person so much importance that you neglected the fostering of your own worth. 


In order to become emotionally independent, you must practice self-consciousness and introspection. Analyze the patterns of your thought and behavior and look for destructive and negative elements in them. Do you get clingy? Do you act childish? Do you come off as needy? Do you always want someone’s undivided attention? Do you focus your attention solely on the object of your fantasy? Do you go to extremes to make someone happy? Do your feelings depend largely or entirely on another person? Does your presence or conduct make someone uncomfortable? If your answer is yes to most or all of these, you need to start cultivating self-reliance and emotional maturity. Identify and work on your fortes and your gifts. Assure yourself that you don’t need to estimate how worthy you are of being loved in terms of how much someone else loves you.
As regards to the person you were reliant on, it is best to maintain a healthy distance and set reasonable boundaries rather than deleting them from your life or pretending they never existed. Give yourself and everyone the space they deserve. If a relationship hits a sore point, don’t allow yourself to get reactive due to neediness. Emotional dependency is a potential threat to a lot of relationships. Don’t condition yourself to have a low opinion of a person who could not meet your expectations. Just because they couldn’t, it doesn’t make them bad people. They probably have enough to deal with in their own lives, or they are just not the right people to see you through your moments of doubt. Remember that you can’t force people to be there for you at all times, or force them to be in your life if they don’t want to stay. 
In conclusion, emotional dependency can be addressed and it can certainly be overcome. While it can be awkward at the least or embarrassing and humiliating at the worst, it is just human nature manifesting itself. With a little self-respect and willpower, you’ll begin to see positive holistic change in your emotions and your mindset. 

(Experience speaks. Feel free to talk to me about your feelings related to this post.)

This is What it Feels Like to be Human

With hearts like diaphanous, broken wings,Pervious bodies on beds of rusted nails,

Minds like speared chrysalises, contents spilling,

We let go of, we lose our quintessence.
We are rocks that fragment under pressure,

Sere twigs that snap, void carapaces that

Crack under the clubfoot of distress. 
Creatures we are whose endurance has

The lifespan of a squirming fish out of water,

Whose vigor wears like watercolor on 

Parchment in the rain. 

Whose patience is as evaporable as dry ice

In a funeral house. 

Whose strength is an armor forged out of a base alloy,

Denting at the slightest touch, 

Puncturing at the hits of dull toy arrows.
Our walls of defense are built on sand,

Our wills are as precarious as a house of cards 

In a room with open windows,

Our unattainable wants, unfulfilled, are balls and chains 

We drag along with us. 
This is what we are:

Creation recreating, 

Uncreating ourselves. 

This is what it is,

This is what it feels like

To be human. 

Bone, Flesh and Soul

Let the wind play upon those bones Like flutes, a dirge to that futile flesh

Which was but a poor keeper of

The soul it was entrusted with –

The soul that was a familiar of

The cradle of dirt wherein that 

Defunct chassis restlessly rots. 
Is the partnership of mind and flesh

As chargeable as corrupt Cain

Who sacrificed an innocent? 
Does the soul seek amends 

For its sacrilege – or does it

Content itself to suffer its keeper? –

That deflowered reliquary 

With its defiled relic.
So like flutes, let the wind 

Play upon those bones a dirge.

Else like faggots, let hellfire, 

Evermore feast upon them. 

Stability: A Life Lesson from the Atom

They say that life is made up of small things and we don’t need scientific proof for that albeit we do have some.

As is known and proven, the atom, the Lilliputian constituents of the entire macrocosm, comprises of positively and negatively charged particles, both of which are equal in number though disparate in nature. In a nutshell, they are the contributing factors towards stability.

Likewise, human life is also infused with situations both positive and negative. Surfeit of one or the other is good for nothing. An imbalance throws us off balance.

Should our lives be ever overrun with gaiety and indulgent pleasures, we would spare not a nanosecond to comprehend the darker side of it all. On the contrary, if the umbra of unhappiness were to pervade, we would slowly, but surely sink into the mire of despair.

Stability is not rarely found; it is rarely sought after, but one can find it with the succor of another. Just as atoms form covalent bonds and attain a stable configuration by sharing their negative charges, earthlings are also thrown the option to avail of it.

I guess the mystery in Chemistry is slowing beginning to unravel.

As Abandoned as You Can Be

“Hey, I have big news for you!” I say.

Everyone listens.

“Hey, there’s a party in my house this weekend.”

Everyone comes.

“Hey, I have a boyfriend.”

Everyone wants the details.

“I feel so lonely. I need someone.”

No one cares.

What bestial reality!

It must baffle you when you try to make sense of indifference these days. But it’s just natural for people to not want to partake in your sorrow. It’s like giving them a choice between maple syrup and pulverized bitter squash.

Jettisoned as you may be, know that people don’t leave you to show you that you’re weaker without them, but to show you that you’re stronger on your own. Everyone says that his life is packed to the brim with his own sorrows that he hasn’t any room for that of another, but it’s mind-boggling as to how the same hearts that appear to be filled to the brim with sentiments of melancholy are avid partakers in activities and talks of pleasure.

Everyone wants to be with you when your happiness is at its pinnacle but no one really accompanies you down to the vale when you’re overwhelmed with sadness.

But don’t worry, because those who taste pleasure too often will wind up miserable just like those who drink too much of maple syrup might be on the waiting list of Mr. Diabetes. Those who know sorrow will just come closer to what they are and will eventually learn to discover the real meaning of life- not in the form of vague delectation- but in its every sense. Bitter squash might cause a tongue to recoil and a face to squirm, but it doesn’t kill. It just makes you healthier and stronger.

Raindrops and Teardrops

The tears of the clouds- which are like the innumerable eyes of the blue skinned sky- descend like splinters that assault the earth’s soil. The breath of the wind has turned aromatic. Crescendo- the intensity of the falling tears is deepened as they glide across the veins of the uneven roads.

The gusts of cool air are sources of relief from the sweltering, merciless streaks of the sun that ray out around the fiery golden orb of the daytime sky.

As the torrential downpour ebbs away, the dainty shrubbery partners the invisible wind for a slow, rhythmic dance.

Now that the atmosphere is hushed, the nocturnal species chant their odes into the night.

When the tears of the clouds fall, people admire them and see beauty. When human tears fall, they go unnoticed. They might never be as loud as the spatter of the rain against the concrete, but the heart is smaller than the sky to hold so much inside of it.