Irrational Irony, Inexplicable Indifference & Inevitable Idiosyncrasy : Ingredients of Life

You’re in a crowd, but you’re alone. You explain, but that just makes things harder to understand than they initially were. You speak, but you can’t be heard, or you’re not listened to. When you’re silent, everyone hears. When you’re down, no one wants to help you up, but when you’re up, everyone wants to drag you down. They tell you to hold on when you’re trying to let go. They tell you to let go when you’re trying to hold on. You’re dying while you’re living, and living while you’re dying.

Life is pervaded by the essence of irrational irony.

You talk to a person present in the flesh and you’re ignored. You talk to your “wall” on a social media platform and people who aren’t well-enough acquainted with you connect the dots of your untold emotions. You are forced to wear a smile that conceals the scars lest someone should see them and question your sanity or gloat over your probable insanity. You are forced to line your eyes with kohl to camouflage the deed all the midnight tears have done, because people seem to notice, but won’t seem to understand. You love someone, but your love to them is no more than the earth they trample underfoot.

Life is garnished with the oil of inexplicable indifference.

You are told by people that you will be understood, but ultimately, you end up being either not understood or misunderstood. You are told to stay put by someone who persistently tries to push you off balance when you’re like a feather amidst an air current. You choose your path and traverse it only to realize you’ve been treading the wrong way all this while. You gain something only to realize it won’t last forever, but you lose something and realize that it will be lost forever, like a drop in a boundless ocean.

Life is sprinkled with a dash of inevitable idiosyncrasy.

But life has to go on through it all, doesn’t it? And it does…

You know you’re not losing life’s battle, you’re just fighting your way up from the bottom.

Life is crowned with the indomitable spirit that surmounts the issues so insurmountable.

Advertisements

A Singleton’s Relationship Advice

For relationship advice, many have asked and I have given, but there are some lovestruck ladies who have never offered a penny for my thoughts. Regardless, I’ll give them my thoughts sans counting the cost.

To Her:

Remember the reason he fell in love with you. Give him the same reason and more to fall in love with you over and over again, every single day. If there’s something on your mind, let him hear it from you. If there’s something from your heart that you have to say, make sure it reaches his. You’ll know if heaven ordained him for you if he is that proverbial someone who can understand the sorrow behind your smile and the hurt behind your flawless exterior. Let him know how much you love him, and more importantly why. Remember that although the man, by societal stereotypes is the stronger sex, also has his moments of weakness and insecurity. You might be delicate, but be strong enough for him to lean on when he needs you. Call to mind that you should be as emotionally invested in him as he is in you. You should know he is perfect if he understands your sadness more than your happiness and your tears more than your smile. If he’s the one for you, the inferno of jealousy or insecurity will not consume you if he talks to other girls because you’ll know that his heart is yours and yours alone.

To Him:

Know that you should protect her chastity, not only protect and shield her from your arch rivals. Don’t try to prove to her why other men are unworthy of her. Rather, prove to her why you alone are worthy of her. Treat her with the delicacy her physical structure conveys. Let her know the best and the worst of you to evaluate her true feelings towards you. Never soil the trust she has in you or cause her to look elsewhere to be solaced. Don’t doubt her or put forth a query if she talks to or smiles at other men, because you’ll notice that the sparkle in her eye and the radiance in her cheeks comes into play only when she looks at you. Once you know that you are ready to build a life with her and build your life around her, reassure her that you are invested in her for the long term. Be the rock she has that can never be shaken, the one who lifts her off the ground and from her depressions. Never be tentative to show her the softer, stripped down side of yourself, the dark side every human being has.

And in the end, don’t use, don’t abuse and don’t misuse. Ensure that your hearts are connected as tightly as your fingers are intertwined. While on earth, don’t give each other hell, but catch a glimpse of heaven every single time you look into each other’s eyes.

Remedies for Healing a Hurt Heart

There is that one feeling that cuts deeper than a razor-sharp scalpel- hurt. Hurt is a consequence of love- love that you gave but never received in the way you hoped to. There are ways of coping with the pain inflicted by love. These are my self-discovered therapeutic remedies to refrain from imploding or exploding, or in extreme cases, both…

  • Let your mouth speak for your heart

If talking to someone aids you to express your love, it will also serve you well to express your hurt. No matter how deranged this may sound, talking to yourself or an inanimate object is also remedial. But if you’re bent on speaking to a mortal in the flesh, select that person with as much care and caution you would reinforce while selecting your wedding gown. Never seek sympathy, rather, seek counsel, warmth and understanding.

  • Let your eyes water and be your own comforter

Crying is a means of purging oneself of the debris of accumulated hurt. Doing it in solitude is most preferential to me because when I’m hurt, I feel like I am my own comforter and that my own heart understands the reason behind my tears better than anyone else would. Somewhere I read that “clouds burst when they can’t withhold their contents any longer, and so it is with us.”

  • Allow time to be your doctor

Just like a physical wound requires time and treatment to heal, so does an emotional one. Never pick at a scar that has closed after much ado. But remember that time doesn’t relieve you of the weight you are bearing. It just accustoms you to carrying it.

  • Learn to accept

Once Doctor Time has accomplished his job, you will be in the phase of accepting your altered state of emotional affairs. Never expect to be skyrocketed to Planet Euphoria in no time. Recovering from the sting of heartbreak is equable with recovering from a malady. Remember that your heart might still be fragile and vulnerable, so do not dive headfirst (or heart-first without using your head) into the pool of pleasure because you aren’t going to know whether it will suck you in and spit you out in a mortifying condition or cause you to hit the solid bottom. Accept what has been and hope in what is yet to be.

  • Move ahead and move on

Never let the past remind you that you were weak and broken. Rather, let it be a reminder that you fought that interior battle and have emerged triumphantly. The past is irreversible and unchangeable, so leave it be. Let the past follow you, but let the present live in you as you live in it, and let the future lead you. Move ahead and move on. Hurt can last only as long as you allow it to.

A Drop of Strength in an Ocean of Weakness

I left myself wide open again and now I’m in a million pieces, but does that make a difference? After all, I wasn’t even whole to start with. Sometimes I feel I keep my heart in all the wrong places.

I spill all my contents to people and finally I’m left empty. I then run back to them to have them fill me again. I am then filled, but only with hurt the weight of lead.

In the face of all these emotional calamities, I have indeed lamented, cried and complained, but I have also learned that love and strength are tested and refined in situations as these.

I could never boast of strength if I hadn’t any weaknesses to overcome and I could not fortify my love had I not met with insult and coldness from the people that I held dear.

It does take something to bare your heart and mind to someone, but I did that anyway. Sometimes I was consoled, sometimes I returned more out of shape than I was to begin with.

Those moments I might have cursed, but to be honest, I was blessed with them, for in my weaknesses, I discovered my strengths, so I wouldn’t trade those happenings for anything under the sun. All those moments brought me closer to myself and to the people I cherish.

It’s like being the sole survivor of a tempest- battered and shattered, but still a survivor with a story worth telling.

If I didn’t know I was weak, I could never have known I was strong.

So, to everyone who has ever broken me, thank you. You taught me to repair myself and to give my love and my feelings a voice. So, feel satisfied for every stone you’ve hurled at me. Not one went in vain.

Separation

One thought that has been lingering in my mind like a nimbus cloud over the earth: Do some people walk into your life just to walk out of it so suddenly?

There comes a point in a close-knit relationship when the person becomes imperative to your existence- where he/she becomes an indispensable part of you, without which, your wholeness would just be a fantasy.

The thought of separation is as dismal as the deed itself.

Having to do without someone who means the world to you is like having to do without a limb. It’s a sort of emotional paralysis, goodness knows whether benign or chronic.

There are so many metaphorical comparisons that can be drawn.

For instance, it’s like a tramp with one single lucky cent that he holds dear. When it’s snatched from him, he sinks into despair, not knowing what to do in the near future.

And the worst part of it is when they have a choice between staying and leaving, and they settle on the latter. No matter the sincerity of your pleas to remain, they choose to go their own separate way.

That parting moment is like watching the only light in your life slowly recede until you can see it no longer and you’re abandoned in an impenetrable darkness.

Imagine a piece of your heart tearing itself away. That’s what it’ll feel like.

That’s the pain of separation.

Sweet Sixteen It Is!

Well, it’s officially another year I’ve been stomping on the face of the earth. I’m finally sixteen.

Think sixteen, and you think all things sweet. I don’t think I’m going to ramble in this post and make it verbose, so, I’ll just highlight the perks of being young and effervescent, or in one word, sixteen!

  • It’s raining love!

It’s the most gratifying thing to know that people value your presence and are happy that you’re alive and kicking. You might hear them saying things they genuinely feel about you and a postscript, you might be on cloud nine before you know it.

  • Gifts… Who could do without them?

Let’s just say that I received a couple of thoughtful gifts today from thoughtful friends, but come to think of it, my greatest gifts are the people I have in my life right now to show me how to live it everyday and make not one day, but every single one of my entire life special. Those are priceless gifts that I could never and would never trade for anything in the macrocosm.

  • Life is priceless

Maybe God could have made me a kitty or a tree or a rock, but He, in His infinite wisdom and love made me His own. Being human and being alive are the most beautiful and rewarding things ever. Each year, I number myself amongst the fortunate who have something worth celebrating- life.

So, that comes from me, who is now a year older- and maybe wiser.

From Myself To Myself

Dear Me,

There are different types of people and there are different roles they have in your life and different reasons as to why they do what they do and why they affect you the way they do. Some are meant to hurt, others are meant to heal. Some are meant to break, others are meant to repair. Some are meant to stay, others are meant to leave. The list of possible scenarios goes on and on.

But out of the myriad people in the world, there are only a few you get to know, and fewer still whom you learn to trust, but what if that person’s relationship with you soon dissolves into nothing? What happened to all the secrets shared, all the time spent, all the hurt repaired and all the scars bandaged and the wounds healed? It’s just pulverizing to think that you gave that person such an important place in your life and in the chamber of your heart for them to decide to leave all of a sudden.

You know that both of you went wrong somewhere, somehow, but ironically, you just shoulder the whole blame while the other goes scot free, laden with no worry about what she left broken.

Reopening a scar is tormenting because it takes you back to why it was there to begin with, and to think it has yet another new beginning? Wow.

When someone you love hurts you so deeply, it’s like walking around with a knife plunged deep and lodged in your core. You’re bleeding, you’re hurting, you’re dying- but just not dead enough to give in or give up.

Conforming yourself to the bitter cup of reality is demanding. It’s agonizing to come to terms with the probable verity that you never meant as much to her as she did to you. Maybe you just weren’t important enough for her to care anymore.

To love someone and know that you will never be loved back the same way is one of the most crushing feelings and to know that your love meant little or nothing is hurtful beyond words. Your love was stigmatizing to her, it was a blemish in her perfect life, a constant factor or degradation, irritation and aggravation.

If only you could have done something differently, or not at all, would that have saved you the hurt of betrayal, rejection and isolation? Or was it better that it came painfully but sooner?

The truth always hurts because it contradicts everything you made it out to be. You mapped out a whole loving fantasy just to have it erased in the blink of an eye. The sting of knowing that you’ve been replaced is more incurable than terminal cancer.

It was just a competition for attention and flattery which fools played and fools won, but you weren’t a fool, so you didn’t know how to play the game. Fools don’t have any rules- they just play by fair means or foul. The latter is predominant.

But today will fly by on the wings of an eagle as will all the hurt it flung you. Tomorrow’s waiting.

With love,

Yourself