From Myself To Myself

Dear Me,

There are different types of people and there are different roles they have in your life and different reasons as to why they do what they do and why they affect you the way they do. Some are meant to hurt, others are meant to heal. Some are meant to break, others are meant to repair. Some are meant to stay, others are meant to leave. The list of possible scenarios goes on and on.

But out of the myriad people in the world, there are only a few you get to know, and fewer still whom you learn to trust, but what if that person’s relationship with you soon dissolves into nothing? What happened to all the secrets shared, all the time spent, all the hurt repaired and all the scars bandaged and the wounds healed? It’s just pulverizing to think that you gave that person such an important place in your life and in the chamber of your heart for them to decide to leave all of a sudden.

You know that both of you went wrong somewhere, somehow, but ironically, you just shoulder the whole blame while the other goes scot free, laden with no worry about what she left broken.

Reopening a scar is tormenting because it takes you back to why it was there to begin with, and to think it has yet another new beginning? Wow.

When someone you love hurts you so deeply, it’s like walking around with a knife plunged deep and lodged in your core. You’re bleeding, you’re hurting, you’re dying- but just not dead enough to give in or give up.

Conforming yourself to the bitter cup of reality is demanding. It’s agonizing to come to terms with the probable verity that you never meant as much to her as she did to you. Maybe you just weren’t important enough for her to care anymore.

To love someone and know that you will never be loved back the same way is one of the most crushing feelings and to know that your love meant little or nothing is hurtful beyond words. Your love was stigmatizing to her, it was a blemish in her perfect life, a constant factor or degradation, irritation and aggravation.

If only you could have done something differently, or not at all, would that have saved you the hurt of betrayal, rejection and isolation? Or was it better that it came painfully but sooner?

The truth always hurts because it contradicts everything you made it out to be. You mapped out a whole loving fantasy just to have it erased in the blink of an eye. The sting of knowing that you’ve been replaced is more incurable than terminal cancer.

It was just a competition for attention and flattery which fools played and fools won, but you weren’t a fool, so you didn’t know how to play the game. Fools don’t have any rules- they just play by fair means or foul. The latter is predominant.

But today will fly by on the wings of an eagle as will all the hurt it flung you. Tomorrow’s waiting.

With love,

Yourself

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susannacorreya99

Guts of brass, heart of glass.

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